Monday, September 19, 2011

The truth is

I don't care how contradicting this is going to sound or how it doesn't stand for what I tell people and myself all the time. I will just come out with it. I hate how I look. I hate my protruding jaw, I hate my chin, I hate my grin. If I could go for a correctional jaw surgery, I would go for it without a doubt or any given thought.

I can't smile with teeth like a normal person and it eats me up inside. I don't do it on purpose, you know? My grin, I don't do it on purpose. It's because I can't and when people point it out or make a joke out of it, it hurts, y'know? I act like I don't give two hoots, but it secretly tears my insides apart.

You never see me going around pointing out your flaws, you don't see me making fun of your imperfections because I know I am far from perfect myself and I know how it makes your insides twist like a rag. I just hate how insensitive how people who are blessed with the looks can be. Do you really think I want to look like this? Do you think I want it? I don't want it, but I am born with it and I have to live with it.

I pray to God everyday that I would miraculously wake up one day and look different or that perhaps people could see me as beautiful. I wish so badly that people could see the me I see in the mirror everyday - the beautiful me, but people don't and I know as much as I try to convince myself that I am beautiful, I am not.

I am sobbing profusely right now because I can't come to terms with my imperfections. I can't honestly look in the mirror and tell myself I am beautiful. Today, I can't.

It just hurts so bad and it isn't something time can heal.


  1. I agreed with you the fact that how insensitive people can be, pointing at other people's flaw and make fun out of it, I had encounter many people who did this to me too, like 'what happen to your face', 'why so many pimples and stuff' ;/ don't they know that people have feelings too? is not like I pray for pimples also, and what is it that got to do with them, sigh, I can feel you too. ;/

  2. Hanno :( but at least your face can clear up. I see your pictures, don't have pimples leh. :)

  3. not really, because i use foundation & concealer to cover it up and some picture editing, thats why ;/

  4. Go for facial treatments! And skin care is important. Sufficient sleep and water intake. As well as don't eat junk food. Helps a lot. I have a lot of...white heads, I think? I would always squeeze/scratch myself that leave scars -_-"