I'm still breathing

"One moment you hate him, one moment you wish him happiness? Make up your mind. Use lipstick if you must."
"I may seem mad at him, but beneath it all, I truly want him to be happy."
"...and that's why you're always hurting."

No matter what they've been telling me and irregardless of what I tend to mindlessly say, I still believe in you. You don't deserve it, but I want to.. I want to believe in you, I want to believe you had your reasons because that's just how I am wired. I believe the best in people, even if they've wronged me one too many times.

I should have known, I should have started running from you. I saw all of the tell-tale signs, but why did I stay? It's because I hope, and hope is going to be the reason of my downfall someday. It is hope that is going to entirely ruin me. I am very well aware of it, but it doesn't stop me from hoping.

I hope on the days when you're feeling defeated by life and lonely from solitaire, when you look out the window during the night and watch the glimmering stars against the vast night sky, you think of me and that I am willing to be here for you if you let me. Like the stars, you may not always be able to see me, but I'm always there.

I've told you a couple of times to not take anything I say to heart, but this time, take this to heart. I mean every word I say.

Pain lingers on the furrows of my heart, but that doesn't mean that my heart should stop pumping love;
I've came to know love, thus to be able to feel pain.