Friday, November 18, 2011

Too little, too late

I never mentioned to you and I don't think I will ever get the chance anymore, but I think I might be falling for you.

I was terrified of the idea of opening up to someone and putting my heart out there again, I still am - because when hearts are involved, there's just too much to lose. However, as days go by, I feel myself growing fond of you and getting used to your presence. I find myself wanting to talk to you and be with you. It's like the thought of not having you to talk to for just a day is unthinkable.

You know the evening you picked me up from my house and we drove to our the secret spot and took the long promenade to the end? I wish I could have held your arm and walked side by side like lovers. When you held my hand while we were climbing on the rocks formation by the ocean, it felt surprisingly nice and I wish you didn't have to let go. When we sat there on the rocks, gazing into the horizon and just plainly talking about anything and everything, I wish time could have paused. When it was getting dark and we were walking back to your car, I wish I could have jumped on you and made you carry me even though I know it would probably tire the hell out of you and I could laugh at you. When it was dark and hard to see where we were going, I wish I could have held your hand so I know that you're always near. When it was time for me to go home, I wish I could have stayed and spent more time with you.

Today, you said you would always be my friend and showed no signs of wanting me anymore.. It shouldn't have, but it broke my heart. Maybe and just maybe, the reason why I want to be just friends is ironically the reason that I want to be with you. When I am with you, I don't have to work so hard at being happy because it just happens. I would much rather be just your friend than nothing at all if it means still having you in my life everyday.

I don't love you now, but I think I could grow to love you.

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